Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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