She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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