I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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