She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
