Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
