Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
