my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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