1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
