I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
