forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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