im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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