good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize