I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dick has a subreddit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
