threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
