its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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