Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
