I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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