You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
