If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
