I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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