I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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