come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
