well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
