Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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