Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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