In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
