new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
