He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
