Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
