I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
