I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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