his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
