no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
