I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
