You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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