When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize