So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
