you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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