smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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