Got a toothbrush?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
