I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Houston, we have a squirter
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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