I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
