New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
