after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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