Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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