3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want her autograph on my taint
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
