Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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