I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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