who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
