I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
did you just send me my own nude
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
