I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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