So drunk its hurt
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
