Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
