I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Soap is not a condiment
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
