we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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