Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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