I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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