Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
