I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
