did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
