Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
