Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
