So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children