The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?