I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
