i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil