Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
