Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
