Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize