I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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