fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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