I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
