he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
