so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
