I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
