I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
