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• (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you need to talk to your mom

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you

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• (516): View more from New York

  she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?

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• (530): View more from California

  just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

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• (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  It's a journey

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  And the destination is his penis?

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Precisely.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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• (516): View more from New York

  He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.

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