It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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